“A plein-air way of living” Entry 3

Day 9 in Barcelona. The days have been moving by as I have created a consistent routine for myself. I find myself too tired to write as I arrive back at the hostel to make dinner, talk with James (a fairly new relationship), and before you know it, I am off to bed. Each day has been a different experience. Painting 5 days in a row, I have completed 2 plein-air paintings, one in the works, and 5 hat paintings. Yes, hats! I’ll get to that a little later. 

As I got a grasp on my routine, I had become consistent in leaving the hostel around noon. If I didn't mention this already, I am on this solo trip in Europe for 2 months. I am basically building a new temporary life in a nutshell. 

Feeling good, showered and fed, I would leave on my daily excursion to a painting site and be out anywhere from 5-6 hours, standing mostly, tiny sips of water and once the sun begins to set, I start to shiver as I was still for so many hours.

Plein-Air #2 was its own experience. I was ready for it, but did not anticipate the way it turned out. On my way to the flower shop that I wanted to paint today, I noticed it was closed, as it was a Sunday. I also noticed that the grocery store was closed when I went there to find out later the day.. meh! Having to change my direction, I found myself standing around a corner facing what looked like a popular brunch place. Named “Gringa” there was a line out the door, along with a few yellow umbrellas outside for seating. The umbrellas, busy corner, and lamp post with a few signs spotted my attention, as I just listed all my favorite characteristics in a street painting. In addition to my plein-air set up I borrowed a go-pro from a friend of mine to record time lapse and additional videos. My idea is to put together some sort of vlog in addition to this so that I can share some visuals along the way. I only hope one day you enjoy them. I am not much of a writer or into video or editing, so it’s a big possibility that these things will see the world one day. Procrastination is the star with these platforms. (If anyone out there is curious to help, please let me know!) 

I do have to be honest though, lately I find myself quite uncomfortable with taking pictures, videos and other online sources, like my website and social media. Do you? I honestly would rather it not exist. I feel very present, I enjoy being present, and I am currently in the battle with technology because I do rely on it for my creative services that I offer to the world. In a way, I do hope it's a chapter I am going through, and at some point my intention, motivation and connection to the world inspires me to use this as a tool to cultivate more love & creativity in the world. Can you share anything personally or professionally that kicks you into gear with the online world and shining your light within it?

In addition to this challenge, I mentioned that today's plein-air painting came with its own experience. I should also mention before I get into the painting experience itself, I woke up with an internal feeling today and an occurrence that threw me off. A little more than a full week into this trip I begin to experience a spectrum of feelings and thoughts. Maybe a little home sickness, loneliness, thinking of my family and friends. My father had messaged me, which he never does, an AI video. Again, being an older generation, he is experiencing more of the online world, the news, and scrolling, my father, for the second time ever, messaged me an AI video. The first one was a visual of a surreal world, reminding me somewhat of my visionary paintings. I was confused as I questioned, is he trying to tell me something? As I felt through this uncomfortable seesaw of thoughts and emotions while I am half way across the globe for the first time ever, solo, my father tried to speak to me through the inter web. This is kinda the odd things about social media, it can be very passive. It made me cry. My father, not one to express, speak or show his emotions in any way, besides frustration and anger, sent me a video of fantastical travel destinations. Did he think this would be inspiring to me, was he just thinking of me, did he think that this was real? I cried for some time and reached out to my partner James. 

After a 30 minute conversation working through my feelings and gaining a balance between my mind and heart, I collected myself and got ready to head out the door with the idea that today would be someone similar to yesterday. And now with some reflection, obviously not so much. 

Anticipating lots of people, lots of attention and a sense of joy and fulfillment. Some of those aspects existed, such as lots of people, however not many people approached me today. Some took pictures, a little lady spoke to me for some time, and those who interacted were surprisingly young, like in their 20s. Now, I may seem like someone who likes attention, and to be honest that is true, but I also know that it's not what truly matters. Standing there painting, no headphones, just noises of Barcelona, and curiosity from those passing by, I barely spoke much of the day and just painted. Today I was processing these feelings I had, and little did I understand at the time, I was in need of stillness and silence, and me just plain-air painting. As I focused on my painting for about 5 hours, I then came to realize as I was packing up, that this is exactly what I needed. To expect the unexpected, to go through these challenging feelings, questions, doubts, wonders, and feel them, lean on those who love me, lean on myself and go through so I can get to the other side and understand the universe gave me the time and space to process what needed to be processed. To take the time to acknowledge that I miss home, to trust that I am where I need to be, to witness my father trying to say something to me in a passive way, through technology, and to be curious. Should I speak to him about this? Should I ask him what he was trying to say to me? Dad, what did you send me? Why? Did you know that that isn’t real, that it is AI generated? That he, like many of us, is now using technology, social media, to converse without conversing, by being passive, cowardly. I am not judging but this is important to speak about as it is moving fast into our society, mind and hearts and taking away genuine communication. I also thought, is this something that will connect us? The thing that I don’t want to exist?

The authenticity of a human, the hand, creativity is alive, living with a soul, an actual feeling, thought and emotion. Just as I experienced through my second plein-air painting in Barcelona. It's not a generation, it's an observation through the eyes connected to a growing universe. 

To be continued…